Thai Girlfriend of the Husband of a Foreign Wife
Note: All names have been changed to protect the identities of individuals and businesses.
In these cases, the husband or boyfriend is the "subject".
We have done many cases for wives overseas (and sometimes in Thailand) to find out what their husband is doing in Thailand, and his general girlfriend situation. There are various alarm signals, such as changes in attitude, excess time in Thailand, and unaccountable expenditures (and scammers are skilled at draining money unendingly), but it is entering a real danger zone when the man spends less attention to his children and/or wife than normal.
It is important to deal with the situation sooner rather than later, before it gets more difficult emotionally for the man ... and before his children are affected, and too much money could be blown on a scamming girlfriend's contemporary materialistic desires, or the competing lady gets pregnant (sometimes on purpose to get the guy), or a serious sexually transmitted disease is acquired.
In practically every case, the man denies everything, unless and until he is presented with detailed facts, a surveillance itinerary, and/or photos. Once this is presented, the man cannot deny the relationship any longer, and is forced to deal with the situation, one way or another.
A problem cannot be solved as long as it can be denied.
There is often counseling involved in these cases, and we are willing to discuss issues with wives.
Honestly, we do not like to see families split up.
We often discuss with the wife the Thailand factors involved in an affair, help the wife understand the kinds of situations which husbands can find themselves in, and can help the wife prepare arguments to present to her husband in order to bring his feet back down to the ground for a more complete reality check.
Sometimes, the expat private investigator who has lived in Thailand a long time can talk with the straying husband in a friendly manner, especially in cases where the husband is fairly new to Thailand and his new girlfriend may be of questionable longterm potential. We have saved families and futures this way. On the other hand, we have also found the situation fairly well "over" for the wife, whereby preparations for separation and divorce may as well start.
There are different kinds of cases employing different strategies, depending on the situation, e.g., expat or travelling businessman or tourist, working or vacationing.
The most common is simply surveillance starting in front of the hotel, condo, or house to see of he leaves and/or comes back with a lady, and following the husband where he goes. Sometimes, the man will want to protect his reputation in the condo building by not taking the girlfriend back there. Sometimes, there is no girlfriend, just day after day of drinking and taking a variety of ladies to shorttime hotels. In any case, surveillance is the norm.
Some husbands take precautions, which can include:
- staying at the apartment/condo/house of the girlfriend
- "love nest" - setting up a second residence for girlfriend(s)
- telling the wife the wrong location (or no location) so she can't walk in on him
- using remote call forwarding, so that calls to his home landline are automatically re-routed to his girlfriend's home or alternative residence or his mobile phone
Besides surveillance, we can also try to arrange for an agent to befriend any subject, to find out about the subject's work, hobbies, activities, and friends & associates. Based on whatever information we have from you or observe during surveillance, we "match" an agent or somebody among our network of longterm friends and associates to socialize with the subject.
(As noted elsewhere in this website, we do not just go out asking people who know the subject, such as colleagues, security guards, etc., as those people may well tell the subject. Once the discreet nature of an investigation is compromised, then more difficult it becomes as the subject's guard goes up.)
An example is a case we did for a wife. The subject had decided to expand his business into Thailand, but had excuses why his wife and children shouldn't move here yet. He said that his business was slow to get started but the market here had a lot of potential, so he had money excuses, too.
We first sent a Thai agent to the office just to take a look, with a simple pretext which did not involve the subject, getting the attention of only the staff, just to familiarize us with the company. There were only himself and 3 Thai employees in the small office, plus an empty desk, all with computers. (We were soon to find out about a 4th employee who was not present.)
Then, we matched an expat to his business and who was willing to work as a proxy with our agents. He went to the subject's office late one afternoon (when the girlfriend will usually start calling). After talking business and breaking the ice, they went into friendly personal matters. The subject had a photo of his beautiful Thai girlfriend, but none of his wife or children, though when asked he did admit having a wife back in his home country and also to having two young children.
To make a long story short, the subject had met a beautiful young Thai lady during a brief previous business trip to Thailand. (This lady might have had a significant influence in his choosing Thailand to expand his business.) He felt sorry for the lady, from such a poor background. He hired her in his office, sent her to computer school to learn Windows, Word and Excel, and before long she had become his "accountant"!
(Actually, she was his accounting assistant for monthly tax forms to the Thai government in the Thai language, and he had an outside accountant who had initially guided them and was on call. He thought he had the whole thing under control in his accounting spreadsheet, but our proxy found out the subject did not know some important government requirements and details, and wasn't completely organized.)
The subject had been foolish enough to make his girlfriend to also be his trusted accounting assistant and show her how much money he was making, which would have impressed her, being a fortune to a Thai with a poor background (probably done to show off his money, to help woo the girlfriend).
Over time, it became apparent he was spending too much money on her (and almost surely she was clueless about how to "reinvest" in business), while his business struggled to get off the ground and become profitable.
He had bought a condo for her -- in her name -- and was also planning to build a house in a beautiful location in her province. He normally stayed at this condo he had bought for her, but continued renting his other place for when his wife visited, which his wife said was rather spartan in furnishings and conveniences. It seemed he was not investing in his business in an optimal way, though it also seemed his presence in Thailand wasn't primarily business.
In the office, her desk was the only absent one, and it was also the nicest desk. All other employees were present. His girlfriend's desk had the usual office supplies on it, but did not look busy at all.
However, sure enough, she called at the end of the business day, and she had been out shopping that day.
The proxy and subject talked for awhile, and the proxy told him a number of new expat business stories, good and bad, careful to smoothly mix in some influential Thai girlfriend cases with some lessons he would learn if he wasn't careful, and told some applicable "foolish things I've done" girlfriend stories to plant into his mind and further the openness and honesty of the conversation.
The foot/vehicle surveillance agents followed him after work to the girlfriend's condo.
In the aftermath, there was really no better option for his wife except to reveal the facts as told by our proxy, and our proxy agreed to be exposed as the source, based on the subject's general maturity and their rapport. We prepared the wife to present her arguments most persuasively in regard to the realistic longterm potential of the "fallen in lust" relationship, vs. the childrens future. We also prepared the wife to forgive the husband for his weakness, and told her it could have been a much worse situation.
(Notably, the subject was not angry at the proxy or us, and was actually a bit embarrassed, but this was only between him, our proxy, his wife and us.)
When possible, we try to either work out a solution best for everyone, or else a separation with the least damage. These are emotional issues with a lot of stress, which normally distorts reason in the shortterm, and sometimes in the longterm. Issues include the children, loss of financial support, abandonment, loss of leadership and guidance, and betrayal of trust.
We also have a page on finding out ABOUT a Thai girlfriend of a husband.
Sample case studies of Thai girlfriends:
- Hotel employee, fake student, delayed money requests, terrible deception, Bangkok
- She did not ask for money ...
- Bargirl, success story, mixed but faithful, Bangkok
- Bargirl, Pattaya, with monthly support but repeated urgent pressures for extra money
- Quick entrapment by expat agent
- Surveillance by Thai agents
- Undercover Thai lady agents
- Denial -- sometimes the immediate reaction
- For foreign wife, find out if husband has a Thai girlfriend -- IF
- For foreign wife or man's family, find out about husband's Thai girlfriend -- ABOUT
- Composite issues
- Safety issues
- A customer's article on another website about our investigation, on Stickman Bangkok (we knew nothing of this article until after it was online and have had absolutely no editorial inputs to it)
- Thai bargirls and freelancers - some notes
- More case studies... hundreds!
Introducing your optional expat PI - Mark
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