Investigate a Husband for Cheating and Infidelity in Thailand
Hired by wives, we have done countless surveillance investigations of husbands to check for any cheating in Thailand, discreetly collecting videos and photos of their behaviors and logging their activities, whether or not they actually engage in infidelity. In the vast majority of these cases, the wife has been right about her gut feeling, unfortunately, as we observe and get video of cheating. Of course, this does not mean that most husbands cheat, as my observation is that most men don't. Inquiries usually come from wives who have good reason to suspect infidelity.
Cheating husbands will usually deny infidelity unless and until hard evidence is presented otherwise. They may explain away chats, photos, and other circumstantial evidence, such as just playing on internet but not really meeting any lady and doing anything physically. Indeed, they may try to turn the tables on their wife and complain back. Typically, you cannot deal with a problem as long as it's denied. Hard evidence changes that, especially in the form of surveillance videos and photos. Videos are normally much better than photos, as they show behavior in motion, and collect far more information than snapshots.
Typical signs of a husband cheating may include any or all of these:
- A change in attitude towards his wife, especially as regards intimacy
- Less time at home and less interest in the family
- The husband becomes more critical, moody, and picky regarding his wife
- Money disappearing, questionable expenditures, or increasing secrecy over money
- Chats, photos, and other circumstantial evidence found on his phone
- Control and secrecy over his phone, or the existence of a second phone
- Discovery of viagra, condoms, or other sexual accessories which the husband is not using with his wife
- Time spent in Thailand which is not clearly justified
- Anomalies in communications
The objective of an investigation can be to collect evidence for a legal basis for divorce, or to save the family and marriage by confronting the husband with the evidence, thereby forcing him to deal with the matter rather than deny and avoid it, possibly push him into marriage counseling, and then come to a resolution of the situation. The decision is, of course, up to the wife, but I'm willing to discuss the issues and options with the wife in order to help the wife decide how to approach her cheating husband and the situation.
Some marriages and families can be saved, especially if the cheating is dealt with early enough and the circumstances are not too bad. However, some marriages are hopeless and it's better to bring things to resolution.
All you can do is try your best. That is better than letting things drift out of control, and 20-20 hindsight in the future.
Being a foreign male expat myself who has been living and working in Thailand since 1994, among my long time friends, work colleagues, and associates, I have observed a very large number of expat husbands and wide range husbands' behaviors over long periods of time. In our private investigations, we get both husbands just visiting Thailand as tourists and expat husbands working in Thailand.
As noted elsewhere, my father is a retired Ph.D. psychologist who had a thriving private practice in family counseling, and I learned a whole lot from him. This has helped me a lot with my private investigation work, including counseling wives and husbands. Of course, my longtime wife and manager has her say, too.
If you suspect that your husband may be cheating, then it is better resolve it sooner than later, before:
- Damage to your family and marriage
- An emotional relationship becomes too entrenched with the other lady
- A lot of money gets wasted on the other lady, which can add up to amazing sums
- A pregnancy occurs in the other relationship, a classic tactic by ladies to hook a man in
- Your husband becomes too financially invested or otherwise entangled in the alternative relationship to end it easily
- Your husband may eventually leave the family for the other lady
- In a marriage which may be beyond repair, your husband could move money and hide assets offshore before you can take any legal action to freeze and split marital assets
- Damage to reputations
Sometimes, when the cheating husband is planning to exit the marriage and switch to another lady, he may try to justify it by complaining about his wife to others, in order to first lay the fault with his wife, rather than himself. This can be very damaging to a marriage and family, and difficult to reverse. Of course, if the wife collects evidence of the husband cheating, then that should shut him up as well as give the wife the ability to show others the real story if necessary. It's best to keep these matters private as a couple, but if you wait too long, then it may become too late. In some cases, a company has even given a husband a one way ticket back to his home country after finding out about his cheating behavior overseas.
I have suggested to wives some ways to counsel the husband, regarding some kinds of Thai girlfriends.
There are two categories of husband investigations:
Based on my experience with fellow expat husbands, I put them into generally these categories:
- Husbands visiting Thailand as a tourist, or
- Expat husbands living in Thailand, usually working (or allegedly working) here.
- husbands who never cheat (which is most work colleagues and friends who are married, as far as I know about them)
- husbands who cheated on some occasion(s) with Asian prostitute(s), checked that box, been there and done that, and quit cheating
- husbands who are serial or serious long term cheaters
Wives are usually most concerned with the category 3 cheating husband, chiefly for reasons of stability and well being of the family and/or the longterm prospects of a happy marriage and/or where a large amount of money may be going over time.
As regards long term cheaters, I classify them into two general categories of cheater:
- serial casual short time trysts with prostitutes
- serious girlfriend relationship(s)
Serial cheaters tend to be addicted to titillation and thrills by hookups with prostitutes, such as bargirls, freelancers in entertainment areas, call girls/escorts, and those who advertise over internet by various means. Many take viagra, and they tend to consume a lot of alcohol. They tend to be out of control. Reform is much less common, and abusiveness more common.
Serious girlfriend relationships are those where a strong emotional attachment exists. Of these, I subcategorize the cheating husband's partner as:
- a prostitute, typically starting as a tryst but develops a more serious arrangement, i.e., the husband knew they were a commercial sex worker, or
- a work colleague, friend, or associate, whereby the relationship started within their work or social network, or
- a Thai lady from outside their work or social network who did not appear to the husband as a prostitute, and this subcategory includes many "disguised prostitutes"
There are large numbers of Thai prostitutes who are very professional and skilled at pleasing men in order to develop a longterm relationship for support and recurring income. By "pleasing", I don't mean just in bed, but also in other ways, too. This is especially so with "disguised prostitutes". There are many "relationship professionals" out there who are very good at their game. These can siphon large quantities of money from the man (and thereby the husband's family). This also applies to many commercial sex workers, but many of the most expensive and most persuasive girlfriends turn out to be disguised prostitutes.
There are three main ways they siphon money:
- Lifestyle support: Setting up a nice love nest apartment or condo or house, monthly spending money, and buying nice things for the lady, often including a car for them to use together
- Investing in a business: The man spends a lot of money setting up a business which he imagines the lady will run well, and which might even make him extra money in the future (which, according to our experience, much more often turns into a major loss, at least for the man)
- Alleged emergency hospital bills of family, debts to settle whereby their family is about to lose their land and home or something like that, and similar expenses which at the time look line one-offs (which in some cases are real but in too many other cases are faked), which typically arise after the emotional relationship is established and the man is already invested in it.
Any or both of the first two above can be at the request of the lady, or it can be from the initiative of the man. The third is sometimes a surprise and urgent request of the lady with a short deadline.
Once a man is heavily invested in a relationship, even if he becomes suspicious later, he may be reluctant to walk away from it and accept all his losses without evidence of being scammed. Often, hopeful thinking and a positive imagination override skepticism.
Businesses with disguised prostitutes and allegedly reforming commercial sex workers usually die eventually, or were a scam all along, but often that becomes apparent only after a lot of money has been spent already.
A partner who is a non-prostitute -- a work colleague, friend or associate from a pre-existing work or social network -- is sometimes a much bigger threat to a family and marriage, compared to a disguised prostitute or a known commercial sex worker. However, many of these still have their questionable attributes. A frequent motivation of a non-prostitute is business investment. Non-prostitutes usually work much, much harder at these businesses than disguised prostitutes or alleged reformed commercial sex workers, these businesses tend to go further, and there tend to be more entanglements.
With girlfriends who the man met as a commercial sex worker, a common situation is that the man is trying to "save" her from her need to be a commercial sex worker. This can be for reasons of jealousy of her having sexual relations with other men, and/or some compassion and a perception she was just disadvantaged, whereby he wants to give her a chance to improve her life. Often, the man is trying to invest in a business so that the girlfriend can have alternative employment whereby she doesn't need to have sexual relations with other men, can be only his partner, and can someday become a grateful and loyal partner who becomes financially self-sufficient without a continued need for monthly grants of money, or even profitable to him, in his imagination. This often comes out costing a lot of money. While theoretically commendable to some extent, it has turned out to be essentially or overtly a scam in most cases we have investigated, as the lady simply doesn't have the self discipline and interest in actually working as the man imagined, though they are often good at portraying an image of being fully grateful and trying. (Many men have hired us to do surveillance to find out the ground truth about their investments. Most of them have been a waste with former prostitutes.)
Disguised prostitutes are typically unemployed or else have truly menial work or an alleged low paying job (often proven not true by surveillance), whereby the man believes she is a mainstream non-prostitute and may trust her a lot more, but gives her money every month for an upgrade in her standard of living. Sometimes he may try to invest in a business he believes she can do, but many men seem less motivated to give disguised prostitutes alternative work because they don't think the lady has been selling her body to other men as their normal "work", so there is less of a jealousy factor of them pursuing sexual relations with other men for money.
Some of the biggest payouts to ladies have been to disguised prostitutes, especially when they don't ask for money handouts. They will typically just discuss their financial hardships and the man will offer to help them financially and become a generous boyfriend. As many men have told me, since she didn't overtly ask for money, they trusted her more. This way, the lady typically gets far more money than if she had actually requested it. Further, if she starts talking about a business she wants to do, then he may be less suspicious and more trusting for that, too, such as investing a lot more.
Just in basic cases, the amounts of money siphoned off can be substantial.
Many disguised prostitutes have been quite sophisticated. They have faked their employment status in small jobs with the cooperation of associates who run a real business which the man visits while in town. However, when investment money comes in, some have showed progress by using the apparently successful business of a friend or associate to show the man when he visits (such as a simple clothing shop in a market), when in fact we find out from our own undercover work and surveillance that the business is actually operated by somebody else and the girlfriend is not even present when the man is not in the country. Since those are relatively informal businesses, how would you know? Occasionally, the lady has pretended to own a hair salon or some other establishment on the brink of failure or needing an upgrade, and brings the man there to help save or improve it with an investment, and we find out later that she's not there tending to it while he's out of town, and in so many cases does not even own it, one of her friends owns it. Sometimes there's an upgrade at an inflated price. They could have more than one boyfriend investing for the same thing.
When we observe a husband cheating, we try to characterize the lady. Most of our foot agents are Thai ladies, and they are the best at reading other Thai ladies from their appearances and mannerisms, though of course my 25 years of experience here also is usually spot on.
If the wife requests, we can also try to follow the Thai lady in order to get more details, and of course research her in both the Thai language and English, both online and in various other ways. In many cases, we have found that the girlfriend is cheating in turn (especially disguised prostitutes), and/or find out other information which the wife can use to argue against the husband's persistence in the relationship with the girlfriend, which in many cases can help save the marriage and family of the wife. The things we have found out include:
- Meeting other foreign men, and seemingly playing them, too.
- Has a Thai husband or boyfriend one step down the money food chain, whereby the Thai man is apparently well aware of the lady's activities and the lady is the major money maker in the "family business". (For example, in many cases where we do surveillance for a man on his girlfriend, when the foreign man does a video call with his Thai girlfriend, the Thai man will be present in the unit or else if outside will step away on signal from the Thai girlfriend.)
Scamming foreign men is a profession in Thailand.
A real and sincere Thai girlfriend in a intrinsic relationship with a man can typically live without money from the man, or can live on a small budget with a normal Thai lifestyle. What we see in the vast majority of cases of a Thai girlfriend with a married foreigner is a lady with a big appetite for extrinsic material items and major money requirements.
If you decide to engage a private investigator, then we recommend you not tell anybody, except your lawyer if you have one, that you are investigating your husband. This is because gossip gets around, whereby your husband could possibly find out. It is also recommended you be careful about researching a Thai lady yourself, as your activity might be detected by your husband.
If a husband finds out that he is being investigated, then he can become much more careful and far more difficult to investigate. Usually, it is not very difficult to follow a husband discreetly and collect an abundant amount of video. That can change dramatically if he ever suspects you may be investigating him.
Our top priority is remaining discreet during our surveillance work. It is very rare that we are suspected. We use ordinary looking Thai people of class, we keep our distance, we have discreet ways of taking videos, and we have various methods to remain discreet. The vast majority of husbands don't look behind them, we rotate agents, and cheating husbands tend to be focused on their partner. We have even successfully followed husbands who have been caught and confronted before, for days, without being suspected, while collecting good video. We are highly skilled and experienced at discreet surveillance.
If you contact us, then we can advise and guide you.
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